Vikes vs. Colts

[Justin]

Colts vs. Vikings
Antoine Winfield picks off an errant Manning pass and then proceeds to act like they have won the Super Bowl. Apparently he has forgotten the previous play when they gave up a twenty yard pass in which not one, but TWO, defenders nearly fell.
A.P. gets the Vikes within field goal range on a brilliant run in which even Bob Sanders went low for the tackle. A couple more "typical" TJack passes; one right at the ground and the other right at a defender. Vikes kick field goal.

Colts second possession. Holy shit. We stopped em. They are punting.

Like the idiot he is, "Flash" Gordon drops the punt and the Colts recover. Apparently he was clipped by a Colt as he was calling a fair catch. So it is Vikings ball. First play, hand off to AP. He makes a spin move that only W. Payton or B. Sanders could have made.
Another swing pass to AP for no gain. Apparently every offensive play needs to go through AP. Hopefully the Colts don't figure it out. Just saw a highlight from the Bears game. Blocked punt for a touchdown. I bet Paul is drunk. 3rd and 9 for the Vikes. TJ makes another great decision. Even though he has all day to find a receiver downfield, he sees number 28 and makes the short pass four yards short of the first down marker.
Vikings run D stuffs the Colts on an outside pitch. Ray Edwards takes Allah or Abdullah or whatever his name is down at the 2. Another run stuffed. Peyton throws the third down pass at the ground. Wow.
Flash Gordon catches this punt, then proceeds to run 20 yards laterally and none towards the goal. First play, another brilliant run by AP after a great block from Mills. Honkeys respresent! A highlight of Aaron Rodgers comes across the screen. He made what looked like a simple throw on the run. The commentators say.....fuck it. You know what they said and we are gonna be hearing it all year long. Back to the game that matters. AP should be stuffed for a three yard loss but instead gives the Colts defense all wedgies and finishes off the run for four yards. Tavaris Jackson makes a semi-decent pass (meaning it was neither six feet over the reciever nor 3 yards underthrown) to Shiancoe. What a surprise!! Shiancoe lets it through his hands. Viking field goal. Seems like a lot of work for 3 points.
Peyton Manning looks like he is crying. Peyton completes a pass as the first quarter ends.

[Justin]

Second quarter begins with Manning passing at will. Really? Against our amazing pass rush and pass defense? Wow. My favorite part about our pass defense is that when they connect on a dump pass no one attacks the receiver. They give them a couple yards before attempting a tackle. Right as I type that last line Mr. Allen finally shows up to play and sacks the ultra-mobile Peyton Manning. Colts punt. But first they show another Aaron Rodgers highlight.

AP starts it off with another nice run up the middle. It seems he's always one block away from taking it the "yard" as my homeboys say. 81 yards rushing already for AP. Another amazing run by AP. This time he only drags two Colt defenders. Some cheap fucking Colts defender takes AP out from behind at his knees. I've already made a call to my sniper, if AP is hurt the guy who did it dies. They show a highlight of AP's rushing record game from last year. I cry a little. The Vikings go deep. TJ throws a duck that lands out of bounds. Colts penalty. Brilliant play calling by the Vikings. Fake hand off to a quarterback sneak. TJ runs around the end on a bootleg. Dumb motherfucker runs out to the end, knows he is way short and slides. He fucking slides! The commentator praises him for his great decisions. Gimme a fucking break! Preferably in TJ's neck! Nice punt puts the Colts at their own 2 yard line.

Peyton Manning makes a fucking beautiful pass to Reggie Wayne after he blows by C. Griffin. Wayne drops it. The Viking gods saved our asses on that one. Nice coverage. Vikings stop the Colts just short of the first down marker. Looks like they will have to punt. Maybe not. Somehow that was a first down. He was a good yard short on the TV. Colts seem to be content going for three yard passes. Manning does a quick snap. Everyone is just standing around. Winfield blocks the pass. Today I like Antoine Winfield. Colts punt. Peyton Manning really looks like he is crying now.

Peterson and Sanders are jawing back and forth. I take AP via KO in the first. TJ has to call time out because he is a fucking idiot and doesn't know what play to run. Sidney Rice and TJ get into it a little bit. TJ has 7 yards passing. 7. Seriously, not 77, just 07. Another shit pass from TJ on 3rd and 4. Upon replay, the pass was accurate, its just that he threw it to a receiver who was covered. Someone should explain to him who the guys in white jerseys are. Vikes punt.

Manning picks apart our loose defense. They have all of their timeouts left. 46 secs left in the half. Chad Greenway makes an amazing play blocking a pass to Santi. I've never felt one way or another about Greenway but today I like him. Jared Allen puts pressure on Manning, forcing him to throw it to no one in particular. This is the way I expected him to play starting last week. More Vikings pressure causes an incomplete pass. Colts forced to punt. Manning is sobbing like a bitch. Apparently someone tackled him and he doesn't feel he should be tackled like the other "football" players. He is a QB!! How dare they!!

Vikings get the ball back with 21 secs left. I don't expect much. What? TJ completes a pass to Shiancoe across at the 40 yd line. The cameraman turns the camera to a stadium of stunned Vikings fans, some of them have fainted. TJ completes another pass. 9 people die of shock. 245 more are sent to the hospital in critical condition. Longwell attempting a 54 yd field goal. He makes it. I do a little dance and decide to make some noodles for lunch.

[Justin]

I decided to make potatoes instead. They were decent at best; much like the Vikings first half.

Nice kickoff return by Chester Taylor. Completed pass to Kleinsasser. Thats three in a row. Undoubtedly this will go down as the greatest game TJ has ever played. Three completed passes in a row if you consider the end of the first half. TJ completes another pass to a wide open receiver. The euphoria is short lived as TJ is sacked on the next pass play. It is now 3rd and 11. Brilliant play calling once again. The attempt a screen pass that is stuffed for -4. Another field goal by Longwell. Do normal football teams score touchdowns? The Vikings are avoiding the endzone like an obese two-toothed hooker on Franklin Ave.

Colts kickoff returner tackles himself. Thanks pal. Colts start with a pass. Good pass rush but the pass is completed for a first down. Manning tries the Viking approach by completing a pass for negative yardage to a receiver surrounded by D-lineman. Sack by EJ Henderson. Manning yells at his line. Manning runs like a geriatric pegleg. Colts are punting.

Andre Allison returns the punt past the 50. Maybe we can get one of those "touchdowns" I hear so much about. That would be swell. First play is a completed pass to AP. AP brings it to the 35. TJ attempts a pass to JoJo the imaginary football bunny. The commentator even says " What was that?" TJ redeems himself with a nice completion on a slant pattern. We are now on the 14. AP is stuffed. I'm not worried. Chili's play calling has been so good all year that I have faith. That was sarcasm. Short pass near the sideline to some guy I have never heard of. TJ is back to his old self by throwing the ball off of the shoulder pad of one of his own linemen. Good play, but unsuccessful. Longwell in for field goal number 5. It is good. Still chasing the elusive mythical touchdown.

Colts start on their own 20. Jared Allen manages hit to tip a pass even though he was double teamed. This guy is a manimal. As well all figured would happen, on the next play Manning is given time to throw and completes a 76 yard pass for a touchdown. The pass was completed to Gonzales who then pitched it to Reggie Wayne. Cedric Griffin was on coverage. Nice play C-Griff. Chili throws the red flag. The question is whether or not Wayne was in before his knee went down. The runner was down at the 1 yard line. The Colts are gonna score anyways. Attempted quarterback sneak stuffed. They try it again and he is stuffed. Handoff to Addai and he is in. Replay shows he never made it in. Another red flag from Childress. Its ruled a touchdown.

Another good return from Taylor. They just showed TJs stats. He is 11/15 for 115. I guess I must have missed most of those. AP is stuffed on the first play. The ball is knocked loose as TJ goes back to through. Colts recover. Its the beginning of the inevitable.

Manning threads a bullet to Harrison on the 12. This is the pass defense we all know. End of 3rd.

[Justin]

I missed the first few plays of the 4th quarter having a stress induced cigarette. Apparently we held them and they missed a field goal. Peyton shows his displeasure with the missed kick. He obviously doesn't care that he hasn't been playing particularly well. TJ runs a bootleg pass and overthrows the wide open receiver. Dan Diersdorf comments on the boos coming from the crowd. He obviously is watching a different game. That, or he believes incomplete passes are good and field goals are worth more than touchdowns. TJ makes another throw that is ATLEAST ten yards above and to the side of the open receiver. My phone just rang, apparently the Vikes are having open tryouts for the QB position and they are calling all Minnesotans. Nice punt.

Charles Gordon intercepts a tipped pass from Manning. Then he does that ridiculous dance afterwards. God, I hate that shit. The game is far from over douchebag. Ball was tipped by EJ. I'm sure Peyton's 55.2 passer rating is Vinateri's fault too.

AP runs for a first down on the right side. 144 yards at this point. AP goes flying through the line. Someone gets just enough of his ankle to tackle him. Once again he is just short of breaking it. Taylor comes in and is stuffed. Boos rain down in the dome. Masterful play calling. Longwell comes in for his sixth field goal. It is wide. Ha. We are going to fucking lose.

Two quick first downs for the Colts. Touchdown pass to Reggie Wayne. No surprise there. We always fold. What is surprising is how loud the crowd is and it sounds like supporting cheers. They go for two and get it on a rushing play. 15-15

TJack completes a pass on the sideline for a first down?!? AP straight ahead for four yards. Five minutes left in the game. Another shit throw to Bobby Wade. Probably should have been pass interference on the Colts. Deep pass from TJ to Berrian. he was open. Berrian clipped his own heels and tripped himself up. Pretty fucking embarrassing if you ask me. Vikes punt.

There are a million ways in which the Vikings are able to blow this thing. I wonder which one they will pick..

Peyton connects with his new favorite target Gonzales. Colts pretty much have it in the bag now. Another annoying TV break. Darren Sharper knocks a pass loose to Gonzales. Colts forced to punt. Punt is downed at the 2 yard line. Like I said, Vikings can lose in a million ways. I think this one will be by giving up a safety.

Brilliant play calling. We are punting from our own 4 or 5 yard line. Someone put me out of my misery.

Peyton completes to Reggie Warren deep in Vikings territory. Vikings lose by field goal.

Great game TJ and Chili. You are both the best at what you do.

[Paul]

What the fuck? Did someone get their hands on some blow to watch the game?

[Justin]

I watched the game by myself. It was a good way to vent my frustrations rather than scream at the tv.

[Kurt]

this is hilarious! I haven't checked the page in a few days so I missed this! It's funny I remember all these plays and all the shit we were talking about in section 216 row 31 at the very top of "house of pain" or is it "house of lame?" Either way it was a beautiful day full of disappointment.